I DON’T CARE WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY !
I like sea .. I like rivers , these reminds me that the world before us was way before we came and perhaps will be there for ages when we depart . this realization set me free from the burden of being in-charge of this world !
aren’t we some time develop feeling of being highly responsible of affairs around us, which we can not control !
I owe to these rivers since my high school ,( however; I was not kind of student to be benchmark for other parents of society and serve as a basis for insult for my friends, honestly saying I was much below that , and i can proudly say that i must have served as basis of honor for many mediocre students .) when I was in high school I noticed a pattern in history books of my all grades .. that all civilizations stem and developed by these rivers only .
whenever i feel low i take walk on bridges ( not for the reasons you guess) as this one is one of my personal techniques to stay motivated.
This make me nostalgic some times , I must be in some other time zone I visualize my fore fathers … a thousands year ago… filling their clay jugs from these river banks ( this gives me a sense of proud that how much we have traveled to be here , some times I see my fore fathers with pearls of sweat running down in scorching heat , raising pillars to this invincible water currents to and building this bridge in the time when people do not have vehicles, this gives me power. By the time I cross the bridge with just few hundred steps I travel thousands years of civilization , who needs a time machine.
today i decided to have a short session of introspection.
I intentionally left home before time .. got down from bus just before that bridge so I can walk by the bridge..compensate myself with some extra minutes. And gift myself a new energy , that new outlook of life which I already have but I need to remind as behold the beauty of river.. and think my life in a broader way , feel adventure of that light shivering of bridge when a loaded truck pass by me .
I didn’t notice a bunch of college girls were marching just just a few steps ahead me .( let me tell you that since my childhood I have been very shy guy, I still remember that day in college when my room partner arranged a surprise birthday party in lunch break itself and without giving a nano particle of clue they locked me in room where 15 girls cut cake for me , I became so panic that if they haven’t released me for some more 10 mins , my birth and death anniversary would have fallen on same date .)
I became conscious of their presence , it was like as during your favourite movie you are getting calls from your boss . then one of those turned and gave me a stern look , I became panic . it has been my constant motto ( since I was a 1st grader) to uphold and maintain dignity. I drowned in thoughts of what they were thinking of me, a stroller ! , stalker ! loafer !. I just slowed down my pace to bring up some more distance and uphold my dignity again, then like a gust of wind some more girls overtook me. after a few steps one of them turned and gave me a frightened look. I felt ashamed for unknown reasons, they must me thinking that I consciously slowed down to walk with them. I was embarrassed .
As these were not enough , on that very painful moment one of my clients appeared, say incarnated ! with that dirty smile . for some time he didn’t say anything and kept smiling . he smiles so deliberately as if he will be paid for this . it lasted for ages, or at least I felt so .
then next installment of dirty look came. I shouted in my mind ! and with a fake smile and somehow in a serious voice asked in most polite way , what happened !
He pointed towards that dirty street dog who were walking behind me very closely.
I took a sigh of relief !
Then realized that since last 5 mins I was enjoying his share of hatred and disgust. For a moment I held that street dog as a criminal . he ruined my rare session of introspection and made me feel guilty about my self .
It looked so dangerous but just after I few mins I noticed bruises all over its body , watery eyes were giving him a helpless kind of look. And after my Client drove off after doing his share of duty , I choose to make my morning good again.
i noticed that bridge was over and my introspection has got a new hearing date.
I bought a packet of biscuits for culprit from a road-by shop .
During feeding him I had a short session of thoughts which I like to share with you.
We are all on a walk called life. We are all here to enjoy this walk . but most of us are not enjoying our life as we are not behaving as we are supposed to . We are more conscious about what others are thinking of us . we are more concerned about how our actions are being looked rather than how it feels to us.
during All our life we are behaving to clear doubts of others ( existence of these doubts are doubtful itself) but the moment we realize that nobody was noticing us . walk was over!
I was deeply engrossed in thoughts when I realize I was late for my office , i left my teacher with another pack of biscuits and reached office a little late. I started my work and choose not to explain cause of being late as I used to.
Its strange, but my boss didn’t asked me either!
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